Dr. Lucy Rosenberg

Kids Matter Board Member Lucy Rosenberg, M.D., has specialized in pediatrics and child psychiatry throughout her career. She is a retired professor of Psychiatry at UW-Milwaukee Medical College Campus and the Medical College of Wisconsin. She has been Medical Director of Sinai Samaritan Child and Adolescent Psychiatry Outpatient Clinic and was Director of Psychiatric Consultation-Liaison services for Children's Hospital, as well as a past president of the Wisconsin Psychiatric Association.  Dr. Rosenberg's vast experience working with children has motivated her to speak out about kids' experiences of being in foster care and feeling abandoned.  The following article is based on an interview with Dr. Rosenberg.  It describes how a child in foster care may feel as a result of not having a permanent home or family.  Dr. Rosenberg gives us all words of wisdom on how to work with children who may be struggling with feelings of abandonment.

"Jake" was nine years old and about to be placed in his fifth foster home.  What is going through his mind at this point in the long journey through foster care?

"I am just a kid.  But I feel like a throw-away."

"I have no father and my mother gave me away.  I must be no good... unlovable... bad." 

"What did I do?  Did I not listen?  Was I naughty, angry, and mean?  I guess I am bad.  I must be."

"I can prove that I am bad by doing bad things."

"I don't trust anyone.  If I do, they will hurt me."

"I don't want anyone to get close, so I hurt them.  I can lie or even steal to push them away.  Then they'll just give me away to someone else."

"Nobody needs me.  Everyone is against me because I'm a no-good."

"I can't think about this.  I'm scared." 

When we work with children, how can we understand this wall of defense and pain?  A child's history of moving from placement to placement without a real home - without a real family - can lead to feelings of abandonment.  Anger, grief, despair and depression are devastating.  To help a child work through these feelings, we have to establish a relationship and try to develop trust.

We must listen, talk, and keep listening.  We must put up with all the bad behavior and listen some more.  We must find a child's sparks of creativity and imagination that bring talent and passion to life.  Perhaps it is art, music, poetry, rap, dance, crafts, building - whatever it is, we must support a child in what he or she is good at so that he or she can begin to develop a sense of productivity and self-respect. 

Love is not enough.  Mere words won't work.  What can we do right now that is practical and tangible to show a child how important he or she is?  Let's play!  Let's pretend!  Let's make something together.  Let's produce a product.  Let's paint, draw, sculpt, sing, rap, drum, dance, and create!  Let's write.  We will do something together. 

We will be like a spider and toss one fragile thread across this distance between us and build a bridge.  If the thread breaks, we'll start again.  The important thing is that this child is not alone.  We need to be able to say, "I will never abandon you.  I will be honest no matter how hard you try to prove that you are a throw-away. You are a real person, and you are important to me.  You are not just a kid."

If you would like to walk in the footsteps of a foster child, pick up one of these books by foster children: